TEENS: A Work in Progress

My Couch Potato

2008-11-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

Speaking as an Alpha girl, who has had a full life of achievements at just 34-years-old, I worry that my teenagers are, well...lazy. My 13-year-old seems to have a serious lack of ambition. From finishing an art project to completing his homework, he lacks the drive to succeed.

I realize that he is still just a teenager, but I am not talking about not wanting to clean his room. I mean he lacks even the drive to do simple things. Like brush his teeth or take a shower. He just doesn't want to do it.

In my family, we have a fun discussion called, "What can I do when I grow up?" It can be anything we want, silly, serious, or just simple. My daughter want to design clothes and direct a play. My oldest son wants to be a doctor and travel to Japan, My youngest son wants to be Spiderman (he's six). But my 13-year-old just shrugs his shoulders, he has no plan for his future.

He's not interested in anything, and I am worried. I can't figure out how to give him a love for life. And I can't figure out why he is this way.

P.U.R.E. (Parents Universal Resource Experts) gives a few causes for lack of motivation in teenagers:

The teens that go to school for their social life, are usually the underachievers and lack motivation for academics. These are students that can do the work, are highly intelligent, but have decided that their friends are more important.

An underachiever can also be the child that doesn't want to go to school. In some cases they are distracted by emotional issues, or are not challenged enough in school.

There may also be some learning disabilities not diagnosed. It is wise to have your child tested to see if this could be holding them back academically.

The website explains that in order to be a proactive parent, we should seek out resources to use that will help our children be more active in learning and their future.

For resources to help motivate your teen go to
http://www.helpyourteens.com/lack_of_motivation_and_underachievers.html
http://life.familyeducation.com/achievement/teen/48437.html

To Work or Not to Work

2008-11-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

My teenage sons want to get a job, but I am worried that they are not ready. I fear that they will be overwhelmed with schoolwork, friends and the responsibility of working. When will they have time for family if they are working? But they are adamant they want their own money.

I want to teach my children to have a good work ethic, but at what expense? I don't want their grades to slip. If they fall off the honor roll, they won't be able to go to college because they can't get a scholarship. What is more important?

Familyeducation.com gives some points to consider when deciding if it is the right time for your teen to get a job.

Working more than 13 to 20 hours a week is associated with lower grades.
Teens who work too many hours find it difficult to keep up extracurricular activities and social relationships.
Some studies have found that teens who work long hours are more likely to engage in such risky activities as using illegal drugs or alcohol—in part because they are exposed to older coworkers who lead them astray.
teenager's job can teach work skills that will serve him well in college and prepare him for careers in adulthood.
He can acquire confidence, develop a sense of responsibility and feel more independent.
Studies find that students who work a moderate amount—no more than 10 to 15 hours a week during the school year—tend to earn higher grades than those who don't work at all.
Earning money will enable him to buy things he wants and will provide an opportunity for learning responsible money management.
If you and your spouse work outside the home, an after-school job can give him adult supervision in those crucial afternoon hours.
The right job—or jobs—may expose him to new work possibilities and set him on the path to a lifetime career.

I guess it really depends on what you are willing to risk and weighing how important it is to your child.

I did finally decide that next year, as long as my son keeps his grade point average up, he may get a job. However, he can only work 10 hours a week, and he has to set aside family time each week.

For more information on this go to http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/jobs-and-chores/36446.html?detoured=1

"Mom, I think I'm gay."

2008-11-12T12:09:00.000-08:00

Parents often say that being a parent is the hardest thing they have ever had to do. When my kids were little I used to think it was tiring but not so difficult I couldn't handle it. Now that my children are older, the day to day is not so tough, but the serious life questions are almost unbearable sometimes. The questions have moved from "can I go outside and play?" to "Which elective should I take to ensure I get into the college I want?"

My oldest sons latest heart stopper was, "Mom, I think I'm gay." I smiled at first, then I realized he was serious. I had no idea what to say to him. It seems I feel like that a lot as my boys get closer to adulthood.

The strangest part is that my family and I have always secretly joked about my oldest son being gay, ever since he was about 2-years-old. He was always my little "girly man." This was what we called him for years.

He didn't dress up in my clothes or anything, he was just always a little more feminine than his brothers. He is my sensitive child, the one that takes care of everyone. My 13-year old has already had a few girlfriends and is already preoccupied with the girls at his school. But my oldest has never mentioned a girl he liked or even thought about having a girlfriend.

With all of this, I was never really open to the idea that my son may be gay. That kind of thing happens to other families, not mine. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the thought that I may be in over my head a little with these four kids of mine.

What I need is to understand what my role in all this is. Do I try and convince him that he is not gay? Or do I support him and possibly imprint that idea in his head. A part of me says that if I accept this, then he will too and that will seal his fate.

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, or PFLAG (pflag.org) says that if your child is conflicted with their sexuality, a good place to start is to make sure the parent is approachable. (Well, I think I got that covered, because he already told me). Followed that with statements of acceptance and stay away from comments that may be judgemental or demeaning.

I didn't realize how many teenagers were going through the same thing my son is feeling. According to familyeducation.com, one in every ten teenagers are gay. Letting my son know that seemed to bring him a great relief.

I also learned that many teenagers, like my son, feel depressed or even suicidal because of their uncertain sexuality. My son hasn't said anything about being suicidal, but he has expressed symptoms of depression because of the fear of what others may think of him.

That was my first concern when I realized my son may be gay, how would others treat him. The thought of that was so painful, I could hardly bear it.

The first action I took was to call a therapist, I thought this would help him the best. I needed to understand what homosexuality really is in order to better help my son.

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, "Parents need to clearly understand that homosexual orientation is not a mental disorder.

I learned that my son's possible homosexuality is not a disease or mental problem, it is a part of who he is. Whoever that person is, I love him and my job as his mother is to make sure he knows that. I love every part of him, even his homosexuality.

For parenting help on homosexuality go to
http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/sexuality/36545.html

My Teens First Broken Heart

2008-11-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

I found out my son had his first girlfriend the day she broke his heart. His beautiful blue eyes were filled with tears as he told me how his sweetheart wanted to be with someone else. Even worse, the person she wanted to "go out" with was his best friend. I was lost. I had no idea what to say to him.

I knew that any girl he dated while in middle school would never be someone he would live happily ever after with, but I knew I couldn't say that to him. As hurt as he was, it just didn't seem appropriate to tell him all about puppy love. His heartbreak was real, even if the love wasn't.

I was lost and searching for answers when I learned that teen relationships need to be taken seriously. Even puppy love can have harmful effects.

“Some relationships may seem so intense and so necessary that teenagers harm themselves when the relationship ends,” says Norma Clarke, MD, a child psychiatrist at the Menninger Clinic.

What I wanted to know was what to say to my son after his break-up. Christine Langlois, Canadianliving.com, gave some advice on how to handle a broken hearted teen.

Don't trivialize your teen's pain. Saying it is only puppy love will not make them feel better.

Let them know they are still lovable. Communicate this by words or actions.

Don't make observations about how bad the relationship was.

Be supportive and available.

What I realized was, that maybe my son didn't want me to say anything. He just wanted me to listen and be there for him. So I made his favorite dinner and made him laugh. Later I made sure he knew that all girls were not going to leave him for his friend and encouraged him to date again.

For more advice on parenting break-ups go to

http://http//www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-tween-and-teen/-/Development-and-learning/Help-your-teen-cope-with-a-break~up.aspx

Rated R movies, yes or no?

2008-11-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

Our rule in the house is, you must be 17-years-old to watch a rated R movie. My teen sons are often trying to convince me that rated R movies will not hurt them. Once in a while, I cave in, only if I have seen it before and I know there is no nudity. But I wonder sometimes what all that violence they watch can do to them.

I was raised in a house that did not censor anything I watched. I still remember the first time I ran across a rated R movie. It was about a zoo keeper that was attacked by a crazed tiger. The tiger tore the zoo keeper's arm off. I still remember all the blood, and have been afraid to let my leg hang over the side of my bed ever since.

Even still, I don't think watching those violent movies made me a violent person. I have never felt the urge to cause pain on another person in my life and I watch rated R movies all the time.

My worry is the nudity and sex in films. I worry that my children will get the wrong impression about what sex really means. Movies make sex seem so casual. It really desensitizes the act.

But what can parents do? There is violence and sex in movies that aren't rated R. There is violence, nudity and sex innuendo in cartoons even! Sometimes I want to throw away the television for fear of what my children may flip to.

Has television really poisoned our children? Or maybe I am just overprotective.

Previous studies show that the effects of violent video media increased aggression and lessened sensitivity toward violence acts. But rated R movies are effecting our children in more ways than we realize.

A research group at Dartmouth found that teens that watch Rated R movies are three times more likely to consume alcohol and smoke tobacco. It's true! Teens that watched rated R movies were more likely to smoke cigarettes.

So the rule will stay the same at my house. Even though I feel that violent movies haven't changed me, it is still not worth the risk.

To read more about the study go to

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20040706/r-rated-movies-linked-teen-smoking?src=rss_foxnews

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~news/releases/2002/dec/122302.html

Teen Alcohol Use

2008-11-02T05:18:00.000-08:00

Alcohol is the most popular drug of choice among teens in the U.S. I was surprised to find that half of junior high age teens drink on a regular basis, according to medicinenet.com. That seems so young.

With two teens in junior high, how do I keep them from drinking when everyone they know drinks? Underage drinking can be dangerous, we all know that. However, I didn't know that it can damage the growing body of a teenager significantly.

Teens body's are changing and growing rapidly. Their hormones are changing and their brains are developing. Studies show that some alcohol dependant children had problems with short-term memory loss, learning problems and a greater risk of becoming an alcoholic. This was published by the U.S. government publication of Prevention Alert.

Other problems that can develop from underage drinking according to the Medicine Net website are

Car Accidents. A teenager is still new to driving, add alcohol and there chance to crash increases.
Suicide. Three times the amount of girls that drank heavily said they attempted suicide than girls that did not drink.
Unprotected sex. Teens that drink alcohol are more likely to have sex.
Other drug use. Drinking can lead to other drug use like marijuana, cocaine or heroin.

The best way to prevent teen drinking is communication. Let your teenager know about the risks of drinking. Tell them what your expectations are. Supervising your teens and knowing who they are spending time with is the best thing you can do to prevent your teens from underage drinking.

http://www.robertperkinson.com/

http://www.medicinenet.com/alcohol_and_teens/article.htm

Teen Sibling Rivalry

2008-11-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

I have talked many times on the blog about my 14-year-old son, (who is almost 15) but I failed to mention that I have not one, but two teens. I have another son that is new to being a teen, he is 13-years-old.

I also have two younger children who are 9 and 6-years-old. That many siblings can be a full house and a lot of fun, but it can be a nightmare too. When the younger ones fight, it's easy to intercept. Separating them works very well. When the older ones fight, it's like civil war. The pubescent hormones make negotiation obsolete.

Not only are they not cute anymore, but they are bigger and stronger than they were before they hit puberty. They are smarter too, they are better at jabbing hurtful words at each other.
My biggest fear is that they are doing long term damage to their relationship as brothers. My other fear is that they will do physical damage to one another, or bystanders in the path of the tornado.

It makes me wonder if they really hate each other or if this is something every family goes through.

Michelle Borba from the "Today's Show" posted some tips and reasons for sibling rivalry on her website.

One third of adults confess that they had sibling rivalry. Studies show that rivalry among sibs can actually help them learn to deal with relationships in the outside world.
Don't show favoritism. Research shows that children can spot when parents show preference for one child. This can often lead to jealousy, which leads to rivalry.
Share time equally among all children. For example, don't overlook older children when a newborn joins the family. Make sure they get as much attention as the "cute new baby."
Stress conflict resolution. Teach them to solve their own problems, but don't let it get out of control. For example, teach them to take turns with a favorite video game or riding in the front seat.

The one thing I learned from others about sibling rivalry is that it takes years to learn to behave in a relationship. Things like compassion, jealousy and kindness are hard to learn.

When I feel like the referee, I remind myself that this is a "teaching opportunity" to guide my children toward healthy relationships. I take deep breaths and try to take one bicker at a time.

Trick or Treat, Are They Too Old?

2008-11-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

Halloween is one of my favorite festivities. I love to get my kids dressed up and go grub for candy. I don't do it for the candy however, I do it because it is so much fun! When I walk down the streets at night with all my kids in toe, dressed up as vampires, dead doctors and faceless ghouls is time I get to spend with my children. No sibling rivalry, just laughing and sharing a night together. We look at all the other costumes and talk about how scary they are. The kids run up to each house then run back to show me the great treats they got. It's a blast.

So when my husband said my 14-year-old was too old to go trick-or-treating with us this year, my heart was crushed. I didn't want him to miss out on the family fun.

When I learned what his plans were for the evening, I was even more perplexed. A friend of his from school was throwing a Halloween party at his house and if my son couldn't go with us, he wanted to go to the party. Why should the kids from school get to spend Halloween with my son instead of me? I made this argument with my husband.

One 13-year-old says she will trick-or-treat until 2 a.m. She says it is better than going to a party with drugs and alcohol in a story on "ocregister.com," an online news source in Orange County, California.

About 28 percent of adults agreed with my husband that teen trick-or-treaters were annoying, according to a study by Harris Interactive on behalf of Mybuys.com.

The mayor of Belleville, Ill. has made teen trick-or-treating forbidden. If a teen is caught ringing doorbells in this city, they can be fined $25. This was a result of senior citizens being afraid when the tall, masked teen knocked on their door late at night. They were afraid of being tricked or worse.

I made the argument with my husband however, that we wouldn't be knocking on doors after 9 p.m. and that it would be a good chance to divert my son from being at a party that could lead to alcohol or drugs. What finally convinced him was that it was family time and all in good respectful fun.

So my tall, masked teen went with us as a faceless ghoul, and we had the best night in a long time.

If you would like to read the article on ocregister.com about trick-or-treating teens got to http://http//www.ocregister.com/articles/teens-trick-treating-2211983-night-ring

Too Old to Wet the Bed?

2008-10-07T13:33:00.001-07:00

I was disturbed by a blog I read on the Internet about adult bed wetting. I was disturbed because my teenager still wets the bed, and I am worried that this may affect him into his adulthood. Like any other difficulty my child may have to face, I feel the need to make his life as easy as possible. I want the best for him, but sometimes it's out of my control.

So off I went in search of the answer that would prevent my child from having to overcome a difficult issue in his life. Never once, did I think that it may not be the end of the world if my children were not perfect and have the happy fairytale life I want for them.

This man, Eric, writing on the blog about adult bed wetting describes all the things I fear most for my son; lack of self-esteem, embarrassing situations and isolation. As I read this, he says something that made me stop:
"My inability to be dry at night has no bearing on my manhood or anything else about me as a person - it's just how I'm made, " he writes.

Somehow, this gave me some comfort. Knowing that if this man could except this, then maybe my son could too.

Just realizing this made me aware that it may not be the worst thing that could happen. Maybe my son will have to overcome something that isn't perfect about himself, but who hasn't done this and become a better person for it?
I did find out that, as a parent, there are things that I can do to help my son come to terms with bed wetting on his own. Also things I can do to prevent further destruction of his precious self-esteem.

First I wanted to know why my son wets the bed, teenshealth.com gave me causes for "nocturnal enuresis" or bed wetting.

Hormonal problems: the body does not make enough antiduretic hormone which causes the body to produce less urine at night while we sleep.
Bladder problems: too many muscle spasms making it more difficult to hold urine or undersized bladders.
Genetics: it is common for a child of a bed wetting parent to also wet the bed.
Sleep problems: a child that sleeps deeply may not wake up when they need to go to the bathroom.
Psychological problems: some children that are under stress or have sudden changes in their life may wet the bed.
ADHD: bed wetting is often seen accompanied with ADHD children.

A few tips from About.com:Teens:

Never punish your preteen for wetting the bed.
If you were a bed wetter, share your experiences with your preteen.
Keep this between your preteen and yourself. Sharing this problem with other family members or friends will only serve to embarrass your preteen.
Find positive things to focus your conversations on. Don't let the only communication you have with your preteen be about bed wetting.

The most important thing I have learned is to preserve my son's self-esteem as much as possible by never saying anything negative about his condition. I make sure to let him know, that I love him even if he wets the bed. I accept this about him, so maybe he will accept it too.

To read Eric's story about adult bed wetting go to
http://www.wetbuster.com/Stories/eric.htm
For more information on teen bed wetting go to
http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/preteens/a/bedwetting.htm
http://kidshealth.org/teen/diseases_conditions/urinary/enuresis.html

Teen Drivers

2008-10-06T14:49:00.000-07:00

My son is turning 15-years-old soon. The big question is, should I let him drive?

I am worried because I see a car as a potential weapon. They can be dangerous if put in the wrong hands.

Car accidents are the number one cause of death among teens, according to the National Transportation Safety Board. Many of these deaths involve a cell phone.

Driving is important for my son, he wants the independence it will bring, but I need to make sure that he is safe. That is my job as his mother.

So what is my answer? I found a website, teendriving.com, that gave good information on the whole process of getting a drivers liscense, inclusing things parents can do to keep their teens safe on the road.

Education: Teach them about road safety. Talk to them about the dangers of driving aggressively. Make sure they understand the rules of the road.

A driving contract. Give the teen written expectations, including consequences for disobeying those expectations. For example, make rules about the cell phone while driving. The website also advises that teens not be allowed to drive with friends or siblings in the car. Put these rules into the driving contract and include consequences for disobeying them.

Car care: It is important theat the car is running affectively in order to be safe. This includes, oil changes, water maintenance, engine maintenance, clutter inside the car, and tires.

Teenagers having a driver's liscense can be a big relief to the parents. The parents often begin to feel like a taxicab, but it is important to make sure the teen is mature enough to handle the responsibility of driving. It isn't only their life they are putting in danger if they don't obey the rules of the road. Parent's should be sure their teen is ready to take on that responsibility before letting their teen drive, according to teendriving.com.

For more tips on Teen driving go to: http://http//www.teendriving.com/

Like my Hair?

2008-10-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

My 14-year-old son wants to wear his hair long. He wants to go to the movies by himself with his friends. He wants to pick out his own clothes and they are horrible. Should I let him?

When he was little, I picked out his clothes and took him for a haircut. I even told the hairdresser how to cut it. When we went to the movies, I picked the movie and I was always with him. Lately however, he doesn't want my opinion while shopping for clothes. He doesn't even want me in the salon when he goes for a haircut (if you can call it a haircut). His hair is past his shoulders and it hangs in his face. I try to tell him it covers his beautiful eyes, but he get angry.

What I wanted to know was, how much freedom should I give my son? How far should I let his self-expression and independence outweigh my own personal opinion?

I found out that by inviting teens to make decisions on their own creates a more cooperative teenager, according to Teenhelp.com. And who doesn't need more of that? The important thing is to set your boundaries early. The best way to have a rule-abiding teen is to let them have some say in what those boundaries are. Talk with them about what their wishes are and compromise on your own wishes.

The teen years are an important time to develop values and beliefs. No matter how much we may dislike it, their beliefs will not always be the same as ours (the parents). It is important that teens feel trusted by their parents, and they achieve this by being given the freedom to make choices.

I think the most important thing when allowing teens to be independent is considering their safety. Also that it doesn't disturb others.

My rule is, if they wont kick you out of school, the you can die your hair green.
My son can go to the movies alone, but if he disrupts others, he wont go again.
I try to be careful not to let him go overboard, but as long as I know he wont be hurt, I let him know I trust him and he loves his new freedom. He has been very receptive to the expectations and wants me to continue trusting him, so he is careful not to let me down.

What I have, after I finally let go, is a more compliant and confident teen.

To learn more about this topic got to:

http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/teenhealth2.html

http://http//life.familyeducation.com/teen/parenting/48430.html

Dangers for Cyber Teens

2008-09-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

Almost 74 percent of teenagers use the Internet on a regular basis. It's webbed into their lives by way of hobbies, social realms, shopping, and even schoolwork, according to the 2006 Pew Internet & American Life Study.
http://www.pewinternet.org/

What parents don't take seriously enough is the vulnerability of a teenager that spends so much time in this cyber world. Teenagers are still children, after all, and still need to be protected.

Did you know that "most online sex offenders are adults who target teens and seduce victims into sexual relationships," according to Sciencedaily.com, a website for research news.

A few statistics revealing the dangers of Internet sex crimes were released by The New Hampshire Crimes Against Children Research Center.

The numbers were shocking to me as a parent of two cyber teens who spend a massive amount of time on the computer.

71 percent ...have received online messages from someone they don’t know
45 percent ...have been asked for personal information by people they don’t know
61 percent ...have posted a personal profile on social networking websites such as , or , and half of them have also posted pictures of themselves
34 percent ....saw sexual material online that they didn’t want to see
13 percent ....received online sexual solicitations
Reasrch listed is quoted directly from Symantec.com( link given below).

How do we protect our teenagers from perpetrators we can't see?

I first asked myself this question when my eyes were opened after I found a recent search for porn sites on my computer. That's when I realized my little boy wasn't so little anymore. Sex was on his mind, much like the predators looking for their next victim.

My next question was, "What do I do?"

It is unrealistic to shut the computer off and make it forbidden. We also can't supervise every second they spend online. So here is the compromise I learned from various websites on Internet safety:

Communication: Talk to your teen about Internet safety. Make them aware of the dangers. They wouldn't talk to a stranger on the street, would they? Same rule applies on the web.

Pay attention to what they are doing online: Ask them to show you the sites they are visiting, look at their page on Myspace. I have moved the family computer into a central location so that I can randomly glance at the screen and see what they are viewing. Use the web browsers history.

Set boundaries and rules for surfing the net: They have these things in the real world, why wouldn't they have them in the cyber world.

For more information on Internet safety go to: http://www.symantec.com/norton/familyresources/resources.jsp?title=ar_internetsafety_and_your_teen

http://www.isafe.org/

The Angry Balloon

2008-09-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

The angry, scowling faces and sudden explosive anger of a teenager can be hard to deal with. As parents, what tools do we need to help our teenagers learn to control their emotions?

The "Family Education" website describes it best by using a balloon as an example. Picture a balloon as it slowly fills with air. Eventually, the balloon fills up too full and pops. Anger works in a similar way. It can slowly build until eventually, the person explodes. The website explains that parents need to stop this cycle before the "angry balloon" bursts.

How do we do that? The best way to deal with anger is to release the "air" as it builds up. Work with your teen to learn the best way for them to release the anger before it becomes a problem.

It is important to teach your teen how to express their feelings as soon as they surface. Some of the ways parents can reduce the amount of "air" in the "balloon" are:

Encourage appropriate communication- encourage them to talk about angry or negative feelings. This will teach them to let out the "air" instead of keeping it inside until it bursts.
Avoid negative attention-pay more attention to the things they are doing right. Stay away from verbal punishment, like yelling and criticism.
Don't react to passive-aggressive behavior- This means when your teen mumbles under their breath because they don't want to clean the kitchen, (and they all do it) ignore them. Yelling or scolding them for releasing "air", will build up more "air."
Avoid random discipline-random discipline is "setting a rule and wait for the adolescent to break it before they decide upon a consequence." Avoid this by creating a rule and a consequence at the same time. This way, they know the consequence before they ever break the crime.

Stay out of the power struggle- "You better do what I said, or else!" is an invitation for a power struggle. Instead, pick your battles, set rules and follow through with the consequence. This way, if you tell them to clean the kitchen, and they don't want to, don't yell back and forth, just have a punishment for the crime beforehand and enforce it if the teen doesn't do it.

For more information and tips on dealing with anger go to:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/parenting-angry-teens/

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/anger/39357.html

Talking to your Teen

2008-09-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

There is a difference between "good communication skills" and "good for nothing communication skills" according to Sri Hari's website, "How to Master Communication Skills and Confidence."

One of the best tools as parents is communication. We just need to be certain that the communication we are using is affective. How do we know that? According to the website, good communication is more than the words coming out of our mouth. It's your body language, the tone of your voice and lastly the words you use.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines communication as, "the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior."

The word "exchange" emplies giving and receiving reciprocally. This means that talking with your teen needs to be a two-way stream of communication. From parent to child, then from child to parent.

4Parents.gov gives a checklist for talking with your teen:

What is the tone of your voice?

What is your body language?

What does your face look like?

Are you listening?

"Effective communication occurs only if the receiver understands the exact information or idea that the sender intended to transmit," according to the website, "Communication and Leadership." Doesn't this make sense? Simply said, make sure your teen understands what you are really saying.

For more information on how to talk to your teen go to:

http://www.4parents.gov/talkingtoteen/whytalk/whytalk.html

Fat or Fit Teens

2008-09-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Almost one-third of adolescence are overweight according to the "Parenting Teens Online" website. What does this tell us? We need to be teaching our teens how to eat healthy.

Obesity causes heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and many other things, we have all heard it. We know this and still feed our kids McDonald's and pizza. The first step to giving our children the best life possible is to teach them how to take care of their bodies.

I know, we are tired. We work and run, then we are expected to cook a healthy meal that takes an hour of our time. But how will they learn to like healthy food if they aren't eating it regularly? There are so many websites that have quick, healthy recipes that can make a healthy meal just as fast to make as fat-filled dinners.

As parents, what can we do? The "Parenting Teens Online" website mentions a few things we can do to help improve our teens health.

Dinnertime- Even our teens still depend on parents for mealtime. Chose something healthy. It shows them that healthy food is good and you set an example by eating it yourself.
Snacks and Lunches- You can send healthy snacks and lunches with them to school. For example, carrot sticks or fruit instead of fat-filled chips. Some links to a few websites are listed below with some great ideas.
Free time-Evaluate how you want them to spend their free time. If you are sitting, watching T.V. they probably will too. Set a time when the family goes for a walk instead.

The "Parenting Teens Online" website says that parents play a critical role in our teens health. Be an example.

For more information on teen health go to: http://www.parentingteensonline.com/article/show/title/Fight_Teen_Obesity

For recipes and tips go to:

http://www.foodfit.com/

http://www.eatingwell.com/

For tips on healthy snacks go to:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/nutrition/healthy_snacks.html

The Money Pit

2008-09-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

"Mom, can I have some money?"
How often do parents hear this? How do we teach our teenagers the value of money?
Laura Buddenberg from the website, "Parenting.org" asks the question about allowance, "What do you want your teen to learn?"
Buddenberg explains that teens need to learn how to manage a budget as soon as possible so they can grow into financially responsible adults. So how do we teach or kids this important lesson.
Giveme20.com is a website created to help parents teach their teens how to manage money. The first thing a teen needs in order to learn about money...is money. A weekly allowance is a good first step. But just handing them money every week is not really teaching them the value of money. The value of money comes from earning it. So, give them chores or duties that help them earn credit towards their pay.
Once they have money, they need to learn how to spend, save and share their money. What kind of things do you want to teach your teen about how they spend their money? Do you want them to contribute to church or charity? How much do you want them to save? These are all things you should discuss with your teen while setting up a budget.
A budget is important because it teaches them how to manage their money. Set up a priority list of the things they need, and then set up a list of things they want. Organize those things in order of importance.
Your teen will learn the importance of being accountable and staying inside the budget guidelines. They need to know they can't have whatever they want; they must live within their means.

Better they learn this lesson now, rather than after they move out and buy a house they can't afford along with three car payments they can't pay for.

For more tips on how to help your teen with money management, go to http://www.parenting.org/flight/l_current.asp

http://www.giveme20.com/

Who are the Superstars?

2008-09-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

From Leonardo DiCaprio to Paris Hilton, superstars are often the center of attention. People are addicted to wanting to know. But it doesn't stop there. Superstars are trend setters, politicians, criminals, mothers and they are judged in almost everything they do.

In everyday life, parents are the superstars. They are watched and copied much like the superstars we see on T.V. So how does a parent raise a child into an admirable adult? By being worthy of being imitated.

The website, "Parenting on Purpose" says, "The most important thing you will ever do for our children is to set an example which will inspire them to be like us."

The image above is a picture of Paris Hilton being arrested for drunk driving. Shortly after this, her 18 year old brother was also arrested for the same thing, a DUI. What example is she setting for the thousand of little girls that adore her? The same rule applies to the parent. Everything you do as a parent is watched by the little eyes of your children and often imitated and it doesn't matter if what you did was good or bad. Their eyes have no partiality.

Parenting on Purpose asks a few simple questions to keep parents from setting a bad exaple:

How do we treat others?
Are desires and wants in control of us?
Do we waste money or spend it when we don't have it?
Do we critisize others?

These are only a few of the everyday things we do that shape who our children will grow into.

For more from this list go to, http://www.parenting-initiative.org/Philosophy/wanted-committedparents.html