Dangers for Cyber Teens

Almost 74 percent of teenagers use the Internet on a regular basis. It's webbed into their lives by way of hobbies, social realms, shopping, and even schoolwork, according to the 2006 Pew Internet & American Life Study.
http://www.pewinternet.org/

What parents don't take seriously enough is the vulnerability of a teenager that spends so much time in this cyber world. Teenagers are still children, after all, and still need to be protected.

Did you know that "most online sex offenders are adults who target teens and seduce victims into sexual relationships," according to Sciencedaily.com, a website for research news.

A few statistics revealing the dangers of Internet sex crimes were released by The New Hampshire Crimes Against Children Research Center.

The numbers were shocking to me as a parent of two cyber teens who spend a massive amount of time on the computer.

71 percent ...have received online messages from someone they don’t know
45 percent ...have been asked for personal information by people they don’t know
61 percent ...have posted a personal profile on social networking websites such as MySpace, Friendster or Xanga, and half of them have also posted pictures of themselves
34 percent ....saw sexual material online that they didn’t want to see
13 percent ....received online sexual solicitations
Reasrch listed is quoted directly from Symantec.com( link given below).

How do we protect our teenagers from perpetrators we can't see?

I first asked myself this question when my eyes were opened after I found a recent search for porn sites on my computer. That's when I realized my little boy wasn't so little anymore. Sex was on his mind, much like the predators looking for their next victim.

My next question was, "What do I do?"

It is unrealistic to shut the computer off and make it forbidden. We also can't supervise every second they spend online. So here is the compromise I learned from various websites on Internet safety:

• Communication: Talk to your teen about Internet safety. Make them aware of the dangers. They wouldn't talk to a stranger on the street, would they? Same rule applies on the web.


• Pay attention to what they are doing online: Ask them to show you the sites they are visiting, look at their page on Myspace. I have moved the family computer into a central location so that I can randomly glance at the screen and see what they are viewing. Use the web browsers history.


• Set boundaries and rules for surfing the net: They have these things in the real world, why wouldn't they have them in the cyber world.

For more information on Internet safety go to: http://www.symantec.com/norton/familyresources/resources.jsp?title=ar_internetsafety_and_your_teen

http://www.isafe.org/

The Angry Balloon

The angry, scowling faces and sudden explosive anger of a teenager can be hard to deal with. As parents, what tools do we need to help our teenagers learn to control their emotions?

The "Family Education" website describes it best by using a balloon as an example. Picture a balloon as it slowly fills with air. Eventually, the balloon fills up too full and pops. Anger works in a similar way. It can slowly build until eventually, the person explodes. The website explains that parents need to stop this cycle before the "angry balloon" bursts.

How do we do that? The best way to deal with anger is to release the "air" as it builds up. Work with your teen to learn the best way for them to release the anger before it becomes a problem.

It is important to teach your teen how to express their feelings as soon as they surface. Some of the ways parents can reduce the amount of "air" in the "balloon" are:

• Encourage appropriate communication- encourage them to talk about angry or negative feelings. This will teach them to let out the "air" instead of keeping it inside until it bursts.
• Avoid negative attention-pay more attention to the things they are doing right. Stay away from verbal punishment, like yelling and criticism.
• Don't react to passive-aggressive behavior- This means when your teen mumbles under their breath because they don't want to clean the kitchen, (and they all do it) ignore them. Yelling or scolding them for releasing "air", will build up more "air."
• Avoid random discipline-random discipline is "setting a rule and wait for the adolescent to break it before they decide upon a consequence." Avoid this by creating a rule and a consequence at the same time. This way, they know the consequence before they ever break the crime.


• Stay out of the power struggle- "You better do what I said, or else!" is an invitation for a power struggle. Instead, pick your battles, set rules and follow through with the consequence. This way, if you tell them to clean the kitchen, and they don't want to, don't yell back and forth, just have a punishment for the crime beforehand and enforce it if the teen doesn't do it.

For more information and tips on dealing with anger go to:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/parenting-angry-teens/

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/anger/39357.html

Talking to your Teen

There is a difference between "good communication skills" and "good for nothing communication skills" according to Sri Hari's website, "How to Master Communication Skills and Confidence."

One of the best tools as parents is communication. We just need to be certain that the communication we are using is affective. How do we know that? According to the website, good communication is more than the words coming out of our mouth. It's your body language, the tone of your voice and lastly the words you use.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines communication as, "the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior."

The word "exchange" emplies giving and receiving reciprocally. This means that talking with your teen needs to be a two-way stream of communication. From parent to child, then from child to parent.

4Parents.gov gives a checklist for talking with your teen:

• What is the tone of your voice?


• What is your body language?


• What does your face look like?


• Are you listening?

"Effective communication occurs only if the receiver understands the exact information or idea that the sender intended to transmit," according to the website, "Communication and Leadership." Doesn't this make sense? Simply said, make sure your teen understands what you are really saying.

For more information on how to talk to your teen go to:

http://www.4parents.gov/talkingtoteen/whytalk/whytalk.html

Fat or Fit Teens

Almost one-third of adolescence are overweight according to the "Parenting Teens Online" website. What does this tell us? We need to be teaching our teens how to eat healthy.

Obesity causes heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and many other things, we have all heard it. We know this and still feed our kids McDonald's and pizza. The first step to giving our children the best life possible is to teach them how to take care of their bodies.

I know, we are tired. We work and run, then we are expected to cook a healthy meal that takes an hour of our time. But how will they learn to like healthy food if they aren't eating it regularly? There are so many websites that have quick, healthy recipes that can make a healthy meal just as fast to make as fat-filled dinners.

As parents, what can we do? The "Parenting Teens Online" website mentions a few things we can do to help improve our teens health.

• Dinnertime- Even our teens still depend on parents for mealtime. Chose something healthy. It shows them that healthy food is good and you set an example by eating it yourself.
• Snacks and Lunches- You can send healthy snacks and lunches with them to school. For example, carrot sticks or fruit instead of fat-filled chips. Some links to a few websites are listed below with some great ideas.
• Free time-Evaluate how you want them to spend their free time. If you are sitting, watching T.V. they probably will too. Set a time when the family goes for a walk instead.

The "Parenting Teens Online" website says that parents play a critical role in our teens health. Be an example.

For more information on teen health go to: http://www.parentingteensonline.com/article/show/title/Fight_Teen_Obesity

For recipes and tips go to:

http://www.foodfit.com/

http://www.eatingwell.com/

For tips on healthy snacks go to:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/nutrition/healthy_snacks.html

The Money Pit

"Mom, can I have some money?"
How often do parents hear this? How do we teach our teenagers the value of money?
Laura Buddenberg from the website, "Parenting.org" asks the question about allowance, "What do you want your teen to learn?"
Buddenberg explains that teens need to learn how to manage a budget as soon as possible so they can grow into financially responsible adults. So how do we teach or kids this important lesson.
Giveme20.com is a website created to help parents teach their teens how to manage money. The first thing a teen needs in order to learn about money...is money. A weekly allowance is a good first step. But just handing them money every week is not really teaching them the value of money. The value of money comes from earning it. So, give them chores or duties that help them earn credit towards their pay.
Once they have money, they need to learn how to spend, save and share their money. What kind of things do you want to teach your teen about how they spend their money? Do you want them to contribute to church or charity? How much do you want them to save? These are all things you should discuss with your teen while setting up a budget.
A budget is important because it teaches them how to manage their money. Set up a priority list of the things they need, and then set up a list of things they want. Organize those things in order of importance.
Your teen will learn the importance of being accountable and staying inside the budget guidelines. They need to know they can't have whatever they want; they must live within their means.

Better they learn this lesson now, rather than after they move out and buy a house they can't afford along with three car payments they can't pay for.

For more tips on how to help your teen with money management, go to http://www.parenting.org/flight/l_current.asp

http://www.giveme20.com/

Who are the Superstars?

From Leonardo DiCaprio to Paris Hilton, superstars are often the center of attention. People are addicted to wanting to know. But it doesn't stop there. Superstars are trend setters, politicians, criminals, mothers and they are judged in almost everything they do.

In everyday life, parents are the superstars. They are watched and copied much like the superstars we see on T.V. So how does a parent raise a child into an admirable adult? By being worthy of being imitated.

The website, "Parenting on Purpose" says, "The most important thing you will ever do for our children is to set an example which will inspire them to be like us."

The image above is a picture of Paris Hilton being arrested for drunk driving. Shortly after this, her 18 year old brother was also arrested for the same thing, a DUI. What example is she setting for the thousand of little girls that adore her? The same rule applies to the parent. Everything you do as a parent is watched by the little eyes of your children and often imitated and it doesn't matter if what you did was good or bad. Their eyes have no partiality.

Parenting on Purpose asks a few simple questions to keep parents from setting a bad exaple:

• How do we treat others?
• Are desires and wants in control of us?
• Do we waste money or spend it when we don't have it?
• Do we critisize others?

These are only a few of the everyday things we do that shape who our children will grow into.

For more from this list go to, http://www.parenting-initiative.org/Philosophy/wanted-committedparents.html