My 14-year-old son wants to wear his hair long. He wants to go to the movies by himself with his friends. He wants to pick out his own clothes and they are horrible. Should I let him?
When he was little, I picked out his clothes and took him for a haircut. I even told the hairdresser how to cut it. When we went to the movies, I picked the movie and I was always with him. Lately however, he doesn't want my opinion while shopping for clothes. He doesn't even want me in the salon when he goes for a haircut (if you can call it a haircut). His hair is past his shoulders and it hangs in his face. I try to tell him it covers his beautiful eyes, but he get angry.
What I wanted to know was, how much freedom should I give my son? How far should I let his self-expression and independence outweigh my own personal opinion?
I found out that by inviting teens to make decisions on their own creates a more cooperative teenager, according to Teenhelp.com. And who doesn't need more of that? The important thing is to set your boundaries early. The best way to have a rule-abiding teen is to let them have some say in what those boundaries are. Talk with them about what their wishes are and compromise on your own wishes.
The teen years are an important time to develop values and beliefs. No matter how much we may dislike it, their beliefs will not always be the same as ours (the parents). It is important that teens feel trusted by their parents, and they achieve this by being given the freedom to make choices.
I think the most important thing when allowing teens to be independent is considering their safety. Also that it doesn't disturb others.
My rule is, if they wont kick you out of school, the you can die your hair green.
My son can go to the movies alone, but if he disrupts others, he wont go again.
I try to be careful not to let him go overboard, but as long as I know he wont be hurt, I let him know I trust him and he loves his new freedom. He has been very receptive to the expectations and wants me to continue trusting him, so he is careful not to let me down.
What I have, after I finally let go, is a more compliant and confident teen.
To learn more about this topic got to:
http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/teenhealth2.html
http://http//life.familyeducation.com/teen/parenting/48430.html
When he was little, I picked out his clothes and took him for a haircut. I even told the hairdresser how to cut it. When we went to the movies, I picked the movie and I was always with him. Lately however, he doesn't want my opinion while shopping for clothes. He doesn't even want me in the salon when he goes for a haircut (if you can call it a haircut). His hair is past his shoulders and it hangs in his face. I try to tell him it covers his beautiful eyes, but he get angry.
What I wanted to know was, how much freedom should I give my son? How far should I let his self-expression and independence outweigh my own personal opinion?
I found out that by inviting teens to make decisions on their own creates a more cooperative teenager, according to Teenhelp.com. And who doesn't need more of that? The important thing is to set your boundaries early. The best way to have a rule-abiding teen is to let them have some say in what those boundaries are. Talk with them about what their wishes are and compromise on your own wishes.
The teen years are an important time to develop values and beliefs. No matter how much we may dislike it, their beliefs will not always be the same as ours (the parents). It is important that teens feel trusted by their parents, and they achieve this by being given the freedom to make choices.
I think the most important thing when allowing teens to be independent is considering their safety. Also that it doesn't disturb others.
My rule is, if they wont kick you out of school, the you can die your hair green.
My son can go to the movies alone, but if he disrupts others, he wont go again.
I try to be careful not to let him go overboard, but as long as I know he wont be hurt, I let him know I trust him and he loves his new freedom. He has been very receptive to the expectations and wants me to continue trusting him, so he is careful not to let me down.
What I have, after I finally let go, is a more compliant and confident teen.
To learn more about this topic got to:
http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/teenhealth2.html
http://http//life.familyeducation.com/teen/parenting/48430.html
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