"Mom, I think I'm gay."

Parents often say that being a parent is the hardest thing they have ever had to do. When my kids were little I used to think it was tiring but not so difficult I couldn't handle it. Now that my children are older, the day to day is not so tough, but the serious life questions are almost unbearable sometimes. The questions have moved from "can I go outside and play?" to "Which elective should I take to ensure I get into the college I want?"

My oldest sons latest heart stopper was, "Mom, I think I'm gay." I smiled at first, then I realized he was serious. I had no idea what to say to him. It seems I feel like that a lot as my boys get closer to adulthood.

The strangest part is that my family and I have always secretly joked about my oldest son being gay, ever since he was about 2-years-old. He was always my little "girly man." This was what we called him for years.

He didn't dress up in my clothes or anything, he was just always a little more feminine than his brothers. He is my sensitive child, the one that takes care of everyone. My 13-year old has already had a few girlfriends and is already preoccupied with the girls at his school. But my oldest has never mentioned a girl he liked or even thought about having a girlfriend.

With all of this, I was never really open to the idea that my son may be gay. That kind of thing happens to other families, not mine. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the thought that I may be in over my head a little with these four kids of mine.

What I need is to understand what my role in all this is. Do I try and convince him that he is not gay? Or do I support him and possibly imprint that idea in his head. A part of me says that if I accept this, then he will too and that will seal his fate.


Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, or PFLAG (pflag.org) says that if your child is conflicted with their sexuality, a good place to start is to make sure the parent is approachable. (Well, I think I got that covered, because he already told me). Followed that with statements of acceptance and stay away from comments that may be judgemental or demeaning.

I didn't realize how many teenagers were going through the same thing my son is feeling. According to familyeducation.com, one in every ten teenagers are gay. Letting my son know that seemed to bring him a great relief.

I also learned that many teenagers, like my son, feel depressed or even suicidal because of their uncertain sexuality. My son hasn't said anything about being suicidal, but he has expressed symptoms of depression because of the fear of what others may think of him.

That was my first concern when I realized my son may be gay, how would others treat him. The thought of that was so painful, I could hardly bear it.

The first action I took was to call a therapist, I thought this would help him the best. I needed to understand what homosexuality really is in order to better help my son.

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, "Parents need to clearly understand that homosexual orientation is not a mental disorder.

I learned that my son's possible homosexuality is not a disease or mental problem, it is a part of who he is. Whoever that person is, I love him and my job as his mother is to make sure he knows that. I love every part of him, even his homosexuality.

For parenting help on homosexuality go to
http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/sexuality/36545.html